The Rebirth Of The Big Boss Lady

After sleeping well and re-hydrating and slowly eating little bits of healthy food I feel remarkably good considering the intensity of my last week. Being surrounded by those who truly love me is also extremely comforting and immediately relaxing. Even after one short evening, night and day I have been able to truly enjoy my day today. It is sunny and beautiful and I am enjoying the day immensely.

Since I left for Cannes last Monday what I experienced was probably the worst week of my life, to date. I was exhausted, emotionally drained, physically sick, weak without food and drink and largely without means to communicate (no outgoing phone, barely there internet) in the South Of France. My experience was that in that country there were a handful of kind people, who I will write about who really helped me, and countless who acted so cold and inhumane that even in my desperate state it became funny. I was living in a black comedy. By the end of the week to top of the ridiculous circus of what was going on, I was also feeling the icky icy fear of anxiety attacks added on to by my dehydration and lack of food and comfort.

I want to say that now that I am safe and sound out of France and surrounded my those who love me, that I feel last week was also the most important and powerful week of my life. This blog will journal the rebirth of the Big Boss Lady of Mighty Brave Productions. Now the birthing process was painful and scary. The lights and sounds were bright at the other end. But now that I am safe I realize that I have fundamentally changed and it feel good. I realized that the way I had been living my life was always keeping everyone’s perspectives in mind. And this won’t radically change, I will just set new clear boundaries for myself. I believe that overall a nurturing environment that was always my goal at Mighty Brave (in the office, with creative and extended team) will remain. That is so important to me and now it is key that it is reciprocated.

In the recent past I have been blazingly honest with how I feel about all the important people in my life. It felt harsh after being so different for years. And you know what, it set me free. I am no longer bound to directors, editors friends anybody. I already have another go-to director/ editor with a long track record of delivering on time, with grace and appreciation. And bless the lord, he is also an intuitive and good writer and Bun loves working with him. Yahoo. And he is mature and he saved my ass last week.

After my experience in France, the little I had standing upright out of my sweaty pajamas, really also opened my eyes to the kind of person I wanted to be and the kind of work I wanted to do. My burning desires are to be safe, loved, nurtured and surrounded by those who love me. I want to tell stories on film. I want the extra-ordinary experiences that I have had to help me tell a good story. I want to be free of burdens and people who don’t want to be in my creative family.

And those that do and that are happy with me (friends and work) I will have you there with open arms. And those that aren’t and those that don’t want to be there are set free.

I was shocked at some people’s behaviour, and I wish I had been wearing a hidden camera because my last week would have made the most extraordinary documentary about human nature. From one extreme of a cab driver staying with me for hours calling around to find my condo in Biot (it wasn’t on the GPS and I had been left in Cannes at night to take a cab home). He kept calling so I wouldn’t have to sleep on the street. We talked to all the cab drivers he knew he got me home and he gave me hug after hearing my story. To the other extreme of me asking at reception for food and water because I couldn’t call out and I was sick and her saying there was nothing she could do to help me.

I know a helpless person is a tough situation. And I know that people have an instinct to take care of themselves first. I also believe that someone’s true colours come out in a time of crisis. And I have opened my eyes.

Now this new harsher me has already scared a few people away. And has brought many surprising near. And those I shall keep close.

I will write more as the stories of last week come out. They really are bizarre . I coldn’t have created more plot twists, mis-communications or drama. These were mostly created because of lack of communication. All the people who were worried about me had no way to actually talk to me. And the broken telephone caused quite the circus. I have learned never to travel when I am weak and never to leave the country without a cell phone that is strictly mine. I never expected it would be impossible to reach an operator or emergency assistance on a French payphone or from a condo that has a land line.

I love people and I want to tell stories and I want to live happy healthy and well.
I am not interested in money or fame or any of the trappings that my week in Cannes represented to me. I would rather make short films on video for the rest of my life.

Mighty forces cradle the brave
And I am happy
Lisa Anita Wegner

Thank you Mom, Dad, Kate, Morgan, Benjamin, Bun & Duffy