I'd like my order of iTunes with fries, please!!!

This is all Moby’s fault. I have the feeling that it was sometime in the mid-90’s that it became completely acceptable, even the norm, for respectable musicians to turn themselves into cheap whores, turning tricks on TV to sell their tainted goods.

Sadly, I knew Feist’s hit single ’1, 2, 3, 4’ from an iTunes commercial long before I had the chance to hear her album. It’s quite catchy and somewhat endearing, perfect for advertising! I really do think she's an amazing performer but it's a shame, really, as I would have liked her record a lot more if I didn’t automatically think about Apple products everytime I hear her freakin’ voice. And although ipods are Great for music lovers who have to waste endless long hours riding the bus, & they’re incredibly Great for the not-quite-the-richest-man-in-the-world, Bill Gates, they’re really Not All That Great for musicians. Who’s actually buying the albums now that we have fast-food, digital facsimiles to sate our every need? It seems just a trifle traitorous to me that musicians are helping to sell a product that is actually killing their livelihood. Too many people would prefer to just buy the single off itunes for 99 cents instead of even giving the actual album a chance, let alone a listen. (As I clutch my vinyl tightly to my chest & murmer comforting endearments to it. "s’ok, baby, s’ok. You’ll be fine." We oughta all thank god & DJ’s for the resurgence of vinyl & a big Yay for 7"s!! Seriously. Where the f**k did I put that little thingie for my 45’s anyway?)

Again, I fear, I lay most of the blame at Moby’s feet for making this trend so terribly acceptable. Who could accuse the spartan-living, unassuming little Vegan of a crime so heinous as Blatant Commercialism with a side dish of Greed? But oh, oh how he exploited! My first experience with his song ’Porcelain’ came while watching a Transworld video, well before it was popping up in every advertisement known to man. And here’s how that cracked-out animal, the Human Psyche, works; I’ve never associated that song with any product whatsoever, in my mind it’s forever linked to fearless skaters and thier concrete triumphs & tragedies. Ahhh, the beauty of first impressions!
There’s an awesomely wonderful song by Yacht entitled ’See a penny, pick it up’ & god, it’s just really a killer tune but everytime I hear it there’s a niggling suspicion that I originally heard it on TV. (This is even more strange because, in fact, I don’t even have cable so my exposure to TV is limited to taped shows that my friends bring over!) It’s really making me so frustrated & sad! I just wanna forget about it already and just enjoy the song but there’s this feeling that keeps coming back to me (paranoia? nah!) that’s afraid of being subliminally influenced by another creepy corporation. Arrgghh!!! More sleep, must get more sleep....

Anyways, please don’t assume that I think all musicians and artists need to be starving and naively idealistic. So not true. Eating is good! In fact, if you’re hungry there’s some ginger chicken in the fridge, I could just.... ah well, maybe another time then... It’s just that I was taught that there is a fairly clear distinction between Art and Commercial art. Note the capitalization. Oh shit, ok, I admit that more times than can be counted, literature, painting and music have all been used as tools by government and movements in order to promote a certain favourable way of thinking and that’s just as disgusting in some ways as selling a can of pop, right? Yes. Fine. I’ll concede that point but as an artist myself, I know the difference between making art for myself (aka silly scribblishness & weird, swooshy paintings) and the work that I quite willingly do for other people. I don’t accept payments for portraits because, for me, drawing them is a rather personal experience. I don’t want to have to consider whether my subject will be pleased with the end result while I’m attempting to capture that elusive something that is their essence, or je ne sais quoi, on paper. You will never find me in Stanley Park drawing portraits of your snot-runnin’, ice-cream eatin’ kids for $5 a pop, of that you can be sure! But yah, I’ve taken on illustration projects and created band posters where I’m more than happy to let someone else dictate what they’re looking for as the end result. It really makes me happy to have my art help out other people but it’s not the same as the stuff I make for myself. It still becomes a product, albeit a loving one.

Most sickening of all is when companies have the all-out flaming balls to just steal from artists. (May hellfires melt their plastic souls.) Gather round kids, while I tell you a lovely story involving karma kicking one of those bloody utility companies in the ass! Now as most of my friends, family and possibly even random acquaintances know, I have a tremendous respect for Owen Pallett, aka Final Fantasy. The record company he’s signed with, blocksblocksblocks, was originally formed by Steve Kado and is an artist collective project. This means that all the artists Signed to this label are also working For the record company to help produce all of the records. Artists helping each other out = fucking sweet utopian ideals. Awesome!! Ah, the story, yes, I was getting to that... really! So last fall the Vienna Utility Company apparently took Owen’s refusal to let them use his song rather badly and hired another musician to create an unapologetic rip-off of ’This is the dream of Win & Regine’ to use in their upcoming ad campaign. Now most artists, after finding this out, would have their speed-dialed lawyers suing faster than that sloppy scab musician could finish writing his last plagiarized notes, and who could blame them, but Owen & team came up with a much more creative compensation for the crime. Why seek a monetary revenge when instead you can have the satisfaction of forcing a bloated corrupt corporation to fund a series of shows where you get to play with your friends and bands you love?! Thus was born the Maximum Black Festival that played dates in several cities across Europe in late Feb/early March. Hah! Bloody brilliant. (And now are you asking yourself, "Are the Vienna Utility Company really a bloated, corrupt corp?" Well, I’m assuming they are because, I mean, it’s Vienna, right? And there’s all that sausage, not to mention the pastries, so I’m just gonna assume there’s a lot of pudgy bloating going on over there. No offence, viennese!) Way to stick it to the man, Owen!

So in retrospect, maybe Andy Warhol should have just sold the rights to his Campbell Soup paintings to Campbell’s Soup to put right on their cans. I’m sure with the money that could have earned him he would have surely accumulated a collection of black turtlenecks that would have gone unparalleled. Ah well, I haven’t given up hope yet, apparently there’s still room in the world for a few artists of integrity, but take heart, Mr. Gates! Surely your super-villainous plans for domination of an apathetic universe will not be diverted by a few ornery rebels.... Long live the pirates!!